Hot blonde taking over Manhattan, KS!
Have you ever had one of those moments where you want to shrink down so far you disappear? Well, I have been having a lot of those lately. I seem to be having some epic “Blonde Moments” this year, all revolving around my car.
While I was still living in Florida, I lost my car! Lost her car? Yeah…I lost my Ford Explorer. Let me tell you the story. The night prior to discovering my car was missing, I had parked in the neighbor’s driveway because guests were parked in ours. I went to bed like any other night, and woke up like any other morning. Got up, got dressed and went to hop in the car to head over to the gym. When I walked out of the house, I didn’t see my car. What I did see was a vacant spot where, I swore, I left my car the night before. Late on my car payment, I was convinced that Chase Auto had sent their ninjas out in the middle of the night to retrieve the vehicle. I ran back in the house, crying, shaking and panicking and told my step-mom, Diann, that my car was gone. She ran outside and didn’t see it either. As I stood in the driveway, slack jawed, with giant tears streaming down my cheeks, she got on the phone and called my dad. She was smiling as she passed the phone to me. Why was she smiling? This is no “smiling matter”!!!! My dad, in a very humored yet slightly concerned voice said, “Amy, didn’t you park it next door at Mr. Bob’s?” With the phone up to my ear, I walked a little farther down the driveway and peered over the hedges. In Mr. Bob’s driveway sat my Ford Explorer, right where I left it the night before.
My recent epic “Blonde Moment”
One morning last week, I headed to Walmart to buy more tarps for the chicken coop. When I got there, I went to turn of my car but the key would not come out of the ignition. My steering wheel was locked and I could not start my car back up! I thought I ran out of gas and called roadside assistance. After waiting forever on hold, and another eternity for some roadside assistance guru to bring me gas, a large, shiny tow truck pulled up and a very old man got out. He was sporting a Carhart jumper type thing, minimal teeth, and a skullet. He put gas in my tank and I handed him a $10. Then he told me to hop in and try to turn the engine over. Nothing happened. I began to grow more concerned with each second and my mind was skimming through a hundred thoughts of “what might be wrong now!” In the midst of my mental seizure, the dental minimalist, reached across me, boob graze, and grabbed my gear shift. He said, “Well there’s yer problem. Yer car is in reverse!” As soon as it was back in park, the engine turned over, and I was on my way home, tarpless, down $10, and feeling like a smacked ass.
You see? I make fun of others…but at the end of the day, I am still blonde.